I realized a few weeks ago, (maybe it was longer I’m not sure) that I had lost myself. I had been just been going day to day like a robot, caught in an endless loop. I have just had so many rapid changes that I guess I turned a blind eye; I had moved to a new country, I got married, then I was expecting, and then all of a sudden, I had this baby I was taking care of day and night, who turned into a very active toddler at 10 months old. What made things worse was I was starting to really let myself go. By this I mean, since I was staying home all day I would rationalize wearing pjs all day and would just throw my hair up in a bun, flip on Netflix, and watch as my baby would play at my feet. Don’t mistake this for ignoring my son, I was still on the floor playing, reading, etc; but I wasn’t fully there, I was like a zombie. This routine got very depressing.
I’m not sure what pushed me over the edge, probably someone pissed me off, (*cough:inlaws*) which tends to get me fired up and motivated in other areas. But, whatever it was I had, had enough! Enough of letting others step all over me, of being blah, of our situation, ENOUGH OF THIS RUT!
I started a new routine, or adjusted it. After we both get dressed, I would go with him into the playroom or set up a place space on the deck. The deck became our preference.
Monday’s we would clean/tidy/purge and do laundry, Tuesday we make muffins and prep other snacks, Wednesday we do our diaper laundry and work on our shop, Thursday we stuff diapers and make more muffins.
Friday’s we go with daddy to work at the chiropractor to get adjusted and to go to Wholefoods across the street.
Other things that I do daily/weekly are:
- Post on my personal and business pages to connect with friends/family and clients
- Write a blog post, part of one or jot down ideas
- Check & reply to emails
- Call my mom
- Create meal plan and grocery lists
- Clean bathroom during nap time (boys are so nasty)
- Make lunch/dinner
- Look through Pinterest for inspiration or ideas
- Chase the baby to change him
- Bathe the baby Mon/Thur (more if he gets crazy messy but I usually just wipe him)
And my husband asks what I do all day…
But all that is slightly off topic of what I wanted to write about.
Since moving, becoming a wife and a mother, I had lost a part of myself to taking care of my husband and son. (Whom I love with every fiber of my being) But I wasn’t doing anything for myself. That’s probably the main reason I started writing again, also why my blog enteries are random.
When we went on our Miami vacation, (I decided not to post my blog about our trip due to its negative energy) lets just say it was not a pleasant vacation. There was a lot of fighting between everyone. The one thing I planned to do and was super excited about was paddle board. I had bought two groupons for my husband and I. I had convinced him to go with me but when we went to check it out the day before, he chickened out and refused to go. I begged and pleaded with him, this was something I wanted to do with him, we haven’t done anything together since before the baby was born.
He wouldn’t budge, it hurt me, he wasn’t willing to face his fears to spend an hour with me trying something new. We were sitting in a burger joint next door and as we were eating I just kept getting sadder in my head, but then I said “screw it I don’t need him to come, and I’m not going to let his fears stop me from trying new things.” That was a very lonely hour out on the water, the baby refused to wear his PPD, so he couldn’t come either. But, although it was lonely I enjoyed trying something new, and I was proud of myself for going.
That’s what really turned a switch for me, well, that and one of the fights that happened while on vacation. Our life has become all routine, a boring routine. There is no change or advancement. We’ve been looking for a house for almost a year, and my husband is sick of his job. All of which I went over in my Nomadic post.
My life didn’t please me, so I created my life. -Coco Chanel
So now I have regained control, I’m doing the things I love like writing, planning weekend outings, and planning to move in the spring. I don’t want a sedentary life, I don’t want day in-day out of the same things. I want to witness beauty, I want adventure, and I want to experience life. I can’t do that here, and I can’t do that if I let things continue the way they have been.